If I were a boy: learning how to be female and Catholic

This week's post is something I've been working on for awhile.  It could fit anywhere, but with so much discussion recently about Catholics and what we believe, and the particular focus on women in the church, I'm taking the liberty of posting this now, even though it continues to be a work in progress as I wrestle with being a faithful female Catholic.

Come on, Catholic sisters, think for a moment with me.  When did you first realize that there was a limit to what you would be able to achieve within the church?  Did it strike you as just part of the whole Catholic package:  two fast days, seven sacraments, unmarried clergy, and tradition, tradition, tradition?  Or did it really piss you off?

Guess which option I chose.

I guess I knew, on some level, for some time, that women had a particular role in the hierarchy of the Church, but it didn't become crystal clear until I was preparing for confirmation.  I remember my middle school years fondly, and I learned so much about myself, and life, the universe, and everything.  Yep, read those books during that time.  A lot of the questions I would wrestle with well into adulthood were formed during the year leading up to my confirmation, and the budding Catholic feminist began to emerge as well.

Picture it:  1978, Huntsville, Alabama.  My confirmation class had the opportunity to ask our parish priest questions, and since our church was in the process of prohibiting girls from being altar servers, we figured this was a golden opportunity to ask why.  I will never forget the answer, though I can’t even remember the priest’s name (let’s call him “Fr. Joseph”):

Why can’t we have altar girls?

Well, being an altar server can be a step to the priesthood.

So why can’t women be priests?

Insert appropriate look of pity and condescending tone here.  I truly believe that “Fr. Joseph” felt he was giving us an “enlightened” answer:  “Girls, men are not as morally strong as women.  Seeing a woman on the altar as a priest might cause many men to have impure thoughts, which could lead them to sin.  It’s best not to have that temptation there.”  And I remember him laughing, with a "what are you going to do" gesture; he may have even thrown up his hands in mock surrender.

So this “Fr. Joseph” assumed:

• No man could resist sexual thoughts about a woman, clothed head to toe in a shapeless robe, proclaiming the Gospel, delivering homilies, and consecrating the Eucharist.
• Women NEVER have impure thoughts about male priests, not even the young, hot, sexy ones.  He obviously wasn't reading The Thorn Birds, though some of us girls certainly were.
• This explanation would make us feel BETTER about being women in the church.

I remember that day being a turning point in my thinking about the church.  Even though our confirmation teacher tried to soften what the priest had said (something about tradition and being a man, so what did we expect?), I had made up my mind about my future in the church:

• I would be confirmed because it would make my mother happy.
• Once I was officially an adult in the church, I would make my own decisions about whether or not I would continue to go.  Okay, I stuck it out through high school, but it was totally up to me by college.
• I would never, ever take what a priest said as unquestioned truth ever again.
• Being Catholic was no longer a given for me.

I did go through confirmation, and I have remained a Catholic, but this memory has never left me.  How, and why I stayed:  stay tuned!